Friday, December 23, 2005


2dae went tuh netball camp. Last night, I dun feel lyk going. I was thinking if I cld think of jus any reason tuh skip it. I did nort slp well last night. Even though I did nort get enuf slp, I dun feel tired in the morning. Maybe it ish becos my heart ish numb le bahs. Shld I persevere or gib up? I dunnoe. I jus noe tt I wld rather hate netball den lub netball. God, teach me how.

2dae I reach sch dunnoe wad tyme. But the rest already reach. Dey were sitting around the bench at the void deck, I was sitting alone at the usual netball place. Den suddenly 3 sec 1 came & sat dere. Did nort toke tuh dem cos dey are toking among them selves. I walked away when celine came. Cos I noe dey will be toking when I m sitting dere extra. Hais.

We played captain ball 1st. nort very fun cos aqilah dey all gort tuh choose their own grp. And the rest same grp s me. Sians. But heyma did beta 2dae. She manage tuh defend aqilah’s ball when sum netballers found it diff tuh do so. We played some fun games tt I nvr tried b4. the last 1 tt I played was treasure hunt. Was quite fun at the starting. But den Cecilia n xueting started tuh play cheat. Was a cheating game. But nort bad, at least the game can end even longer wit us being fooled running around. Hahas. Dun really lyk zhihui’s attitude cos we weren’t following her. Its jus tt whenever we go, we saw her grp. Hais. She wun understand. Mr kong scolded us 2dae. Feel bad too. I jus thought tt tis batch of netballers, regardless whether its sec 1, 2 or 3, will prove tuh the sports dept tt we r united. But 2dae was a great disappointment. He said tt our team leader ship nort strong. I agree every word he said. All ppl in netball ish nort perfect, of cos me too. I cant judge anyone. I jus feel tt I mite regret joining tis netball team.

2dae toke bout 2ml’s outing. I noe the organizers feel bad. Dey had tuh do lotsa things b4 dey nit tuh inform us. They are kept bz jus tuh make 2ml’s outing a success. Whereas, I dun dink dere’s outing 2ml. sigh. Mdm fazilah toked bout jersey. Was a stab into my heart. I noe I have no place in netball tuh even chose wad kinda jersey I wanna. I m already nort in the sch team. How I wish I did nort strive tt hard. How I wish I can do much more beta. I m jus sucky! Damn it. Sigh. Nobody will understand. Strving 2 yrs jus tuh get into sch team. I gib up. Eveytime oso gort prob der. I tried my best tuh improve my skills le, wad on earth do dey wan me tuh do? Dey dink I wanna sprain my ankle arhs? I dun wanna. Dey wun understand. Now even huiting ish no longer my fwen slowly. I m lost. God, teach me how.

I dun wanna face celine. When eva I see her, will remind me of jia jia, but how. Tis ish the 1st tyme I m happy in netball. I m nort close tuh my batch of netballer, but I m closer tuh the sec 1s. I noe celine ish celine and jia jia iah jia jia. Dey are diff. I dunnoe. God, teach me how. Gib me ans tuh all quests in my heart.

watashiYimxD @ 6:32 AM

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